Fallen
by Emeilia-Rose
Summary: In the wake of La Grenouille, Jenny, Gibbs and the team wonder when things are going to go back to normal. Song Fic to Sara McLachlan’s Fallen.
1. Chapter 1

**Rating: T**

**Summary: In the wake of La Grenouille, Jenny, Gibbs and the team wonder when things are going to go back to normal. Song Fic to Sara McLachlan's Fallen.**

**Disclosure: I don't own the characters I just borrowed them and forced them to act out my plot. **

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**A/N: Hey, I know this is my second song fic. But, as soon as I heard this song it just seemed to fit so well with the La Grenouille story line, and it just wouldn't leave me alone. I might have used the words 'she' 'he' and 'said' too much but it was only because I could not think of a better word. Please give me any constructive criticism you can. **

**Oh and as you can probably guess, this takes place right after they find Rene Benoit's (La Grenouille's) body. Everyone is still mad at The Director and she is still on the whole "I drink way to much Bourbon during work hours" kick.**

**-Victoria**

"_Heaven bent to take my hand, _

_Lead me through the fire,_

_Be the long awaited answer,_

_To a long and painful fight,"_

It felt as if in the end, there was peace, maybe not literally, but in her mind. His memory, his ghost you could call it, had pushed her into this mess that had drove her to strive to the top. In the end it was his memory that had finally let her move on before she got so deep it strangled her, in the end his memory had saved her.

Jennifer Sheppard had always been strong, but the fight to try and right these wrongs had been long and left her bleeding, drained of everything. The fight had been for revenge, fueled by hate and loyalty to her father.

Gibbs had once stated that she _**"Needed someone**_ _**to hate"**_ though it was true for some time, it needed to end.

Prison would have been the rightful punishment, but she needed more. The pain had brooded in her long enough and nothing would be sweeter than to see him in the same position that he had left her father in.

She had been prepared to face the consequences of her actions the night he came into her house. La Grenouille had put himself on a silver platter giving her every opportunity that she needed for revenge.

But that night, Gibbs had come as well. He couldn't or wouldn't leave well enough alone. He stopped her from committing a crime, form facing the repercussions of the law.

But, he had not saved The Frog from her. She had found him, and found closure to the nightmare that had haunted her for years.

"_Truth be told I've tried my best,  
But somewhere along the way,  
I got caught up in all there was to offer,  
And the cost was so much more than I could bear,"_

She had tried not to bring others into her personal vendetta, wanting no one to know of her obsession.

But, when she saw the opportunity in La Grenouille, in his daughter, in Jeanne, she had to let that go.

It had made since. Tony, the player, sent on a mission to do what he did best.

It had all gone fantastically wrong.

"_Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
I have sunk so low,  
I have messed up,  
Better I should know,  
So don't come round here,  
And tell me I told you so..."_

She had every legal right to go after him. He **WAS **an arms dealer, they **ARE **a Government Agency, no body would think twice, normally. As soon as Gibbs and everyone else knew it was personal, they started doubting her.

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Now here she was, watching the bull pin, every one but him unaware of her presence.

When he looked up at her, his eyes were filled with not hate or anger, but disappointment. His eyes told her that he no longer trusted her. She knew she disserved every bit of it, she just wished that he hadn't told her so.

"_We all begin with good intent,  
Love was raw and young,  
We believed that we could change ourselves,  
The past could be undone,  
But we carry on our backs the burden,  
Time always reveals,  
The lonely light of morning,  
The wound that would not heal,  
It's the bitter taste of losing everything,  
That I have held so dear."_

She had only meant for this man, to get what he deserved. It had to be done, or the part of her that carried the memories of her father would have never left her alone.

She could have locked herself away, and pushed all human contact out the window. She could have drowned herself in paper work and Bourbon. She could have thrown away all emotion, all of that would have worked to turn her into a hollow shell of herself, but at least then she would not feel the pain and guilt that comes with being whole.

But, the one person that knew her, a little to well, would not let her.

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She thought about it. She could go down there and demand that he talk to her, hell she'd even agree to talk in his 'Conference Room'. She could confess her feelings; tell him how sorry she truly was. But she knew how he felt about apologies.

She also knew he was as loyal to his team as they were to him. She knew she had put one of his team in danger, and she knew he would never forget that.

He had to hate her, at least for a while.

Jennifer Sheppard found herself walking across the Cat Walk. She approached the stairs, and kept going.

She lost all courage and fell into the comfort of her office and a very healthy measure of Bourbon.

She was disgusted with herself. For the umpteenth time in her life she was a coward. Maybe, if she drunk enough she would forget.

"_Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
I have sunk so low,  
I have messed up,  
Better I should know,  
So don't come round here,  
And tell me I told you so..."_

Jenny had woken up alone with a pounding headache that had told her all she needed to know about last night, and the Bourbon that was missing from the bottle in her study. Another thing she messed up on.

She did her best to cover up her hangover with makeup and Advil.

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Gibbs sat there, the coffee in his hand barely lulling away his headache. He thumbed the lid of the coffee cup.

The familiar tone of the elevator rang in his ears and by the stride of the person exiting he could tell exactly who it was.

It was her.

Gibbs noticed the way her body tensed as she came into his field of vision. He also noticed the way his team seemed to hold their breath as she greeted them with a polite hello and a pleading smile.

Tony's eyes glanced from The Director to Ziva uneasily; he only gave Jenny a slow short nod in reply.

Ziva never met Jen's eyes but just kept on working after meeting Tony's gaze.

McGee glanced from his boss to his boss' boss, and returned to his computer, obviously siding with Gibbs.

"_Heaven bent to take my hand,_

_No where left to turn,_

_Lost to those I thought were friends,_

_To everyone I know,_

_Oh they turn their heads embarrassed,_

_Pretend that they don't see,_

_But it's one missed step, _

_One slip before you know it,_

_And there doesn't seem a way t be redeemed,"_

Her pleading smile, turned apologetic and her eyes dulled. He saw a familiar expression on her face. It was the one where she would squint her eyes and wince at every sound. The same kind of look he saw in his bathroom mirror under the blinding fluorescent lights this morning. She was hung over.

Back when they were partners, in both sense of the word, he would spend all morning, or day if needed, kissing away her headache.

_**-Flash Back-**_

_**His lips ran along the edge of her jaw and down her neck. His tongue lay warm on her shoulder, encompassed by his lips.**_

_**The room was dark, shades drawn, protecting the lovers from the harsh light of mid-morning. A bottle of aspirin lay unopened on the bedside table. No drug, felt as good as what they were doing now.**_

_**Nimble manicured fingers ran through grey-black hair. Feathery light fingertips brushed down his back. A woman's moan drifts upward from underneath the man.**_

_**The woman places kisses on the man's shoulder, they quickly turn into playful nips.**_

_**As their speed increases the manicured nails dig into the man's tanned back. The red hair of the woman sticks wet on her face as she arches into him.**_

_**A breathy moan escapes the man's lips as their bodies tense together.**_

_**-End Flashback-**_

A smile played across Gibbs' lips. Tony and Ziva shared a knowing smile, guessing what he was thinking. They almost let themselves be amused, until they realized they were supposed to hate the woman who was object of his flashback.__

__By the time Gibbs looked back to where she had been standing, she was gone; already half way up the stairs.

She, like him had a smile on her face, but her smile was tainted with sadness.

She had been remembering the mornings spent trying to work off the painful reminder of the previous night's antics.

Their eye's met for only a second and her smile diapered completely. In its place a soft frown appeared.

He saw the guilty and apologetic look on her face. When she expected him to reply with the same look his smile only got bigger. It hurt, and angered her to see that smug look on his face.

In his defense he was only happy to see another emotion besides the permanent fixture of her steely façade. He was happy to see that she was still human. Through all of the lies and secrecy he knew she was only doing what she felt was right. He had been in the same position before, but he did not put others in danger to get his revenge.

He tried to hate her, to draw all of the times she had wronged him together and push all feelings but hate for her out of his mind.

Loving her, which he had finally admitted he did, was just too complicated.

Hating her would be easy, in theory.

He could never hate her, not after what she did in Paris and not now. But, if he did hate her he would have no problem keeping her at arm's length. No problem siding with his team. No problem holding the impossible grudge he should have towards her.

Why couldn't he hate her? Why couldn't things be easy?

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She strode past her assistant with anger she had felt way to much lately. As she entered her office Jen slammed the door with more force than one 'Leroy Jethro Gibbs' could ever muster.

Why did he need to hurt her more? She could understand why he would hate her; she could take the silence that came with his hate. She could take all the angry words he could throw at her. She could take almost anything, anything except that smile. The smile was something she couldn't understand. Why would he smile like that?

She knew that he had been thinking about Paris, just as she was. But, the smile should have died when he realized they were no longer on those terms anymore. Maybe the smile was just to be spiteful, just to turn the knife that was sticking into her. Just to hurt her.

It worked.

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He had heard the door slam, and so did everybody else. But unlike everyone else he didn't flinch. Before anyone could say something he was up the stairs.

"I've never heard one that loud before." Tony whispered even though he was sure his boss was out of earshot.

"Our Director can be very strong, if need be." Ziva stated without glancing up from her computer screen.

Ziva had once been partners with Jenny; she would have called them close friends. But, now, she felt conflicted. Tony was almost killed because of The Director's secret OP. She had once been on a first name basis with Jenny, but she felt she owed Tony and herself something more.

"Do you think this will be over soon?" McGee asked, sounding like a child caught in between two fighting parents.

"Do I think 'what' will be over soon?" Ziva asked as if she didn't know what he was talking about. Of course she did.

"You know, this." McGee said gesturing to the area around him.

"She brought it on herself." Ziva said still void of emotion.

"I still don't like this." McGee stated.

"I'm still mad at the woman, but, I hope it will be." Tony said partly in response to McGee's earlier question.

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Her face was red with frustration and too many other pent up emotions she had no way to release. Her eyes were wet with hot tears she wanted so desperately to let go. But, just like Ziva had said, she brought it on herself. She had no right to cry over this.

She could cry over her father, but she deserved this, she could not cry over it.

The door opened behind her and she knew instinctively it was him.

She had so much she wanted to say to him right then, but it all wouldn't seem right for that moment.

The closer he got to her the more his smell seemed to engulf her. It made everything take the back burner. His smell was warm; it made her relax. The only thing, besides his touch that could calm her.

"How much more?" She asked weakly.

"How much more what?" He questioned.

"How much more pain do you want me in before you forgive me?"

"I don't know, how much pain do you think we would have felt if DiNozzo had died? How much pain do you thing Jeanne went through?" He said with bitterness in his voice.

"I know how much pain she went through."

"Is that what this is about? Did you want her to feel the same pain you did?"

"Don't Jethro." She said with a dry voice.

"Did you do it, Jen?" He asked with restrained anger.

"Do you really want to know the answer?" She said turning around with a watery, sarcastic smile.

"I think I just got it." He said with a curt nod. His jaw was clenched.

She let out a bitter half laugh.

"You know, if I didn't have a horrible headache right now I'd offer you some Bourbon. But I think you would turn it down, seeing as you have the same problem as I do." She tried to joke, but it came out dry.

" And the fact that it is only eleven a.m. wouldn't stop you?" He asked already knowing the answer.

"What can I say; it's been a trying week." She replied.

"By the looks of your Bourbon, it's been a trying month."

"You can say that again." She tried for humor again, but the circumstances surrounding it left it humorless.

A minute passed, but not in their normal comfortable silence.

"Jen?"

She turned to face him once again and raised an eyebrow at him.

"I never wanted you to be in pain." He said as he turned around. Right before he reached the door he stopped.

"I just wanted to know you were still, human." With that he left the room and Jenny quiet and questioning his parting words.

"_Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
I have sunk so low,  
I have messed up,  
Better I should know,  
So don't come round here,  
And tell me I told you so..."_

**A/N 2: Okay I originally had a longer ending, but it sounded kind of cheesy. So I will post the other ending in the second chapter. **

**-Victoria**


	2. Alternate Ending

**A/N: This takes pace directly after Gibbs leaves Jenny's office in the first chapter. Let me know which ending you liked better, the one in the first chapter or this kind of fluffy/ Cheesy one.**

**-Victoria**

As Gibbs descended the stairs the rest of his team straitened themselves, and Abby entered the Squad Room.

"Gibbs! Did you fix it?"She said running over to him.

"Abby, just relax." He said when she finally released him from her death grip.

"No Gibbs! I will not relax! I can't work knowing that everybody hates each other!" She finally took a breath. "I just can't stand seeing her, and you upset."

"Abby, calm down. It'll be fine." He said trying to calm the overly excited forensics guru.

"But, how can you be sure?" She said sounding broken.

"'Cause, Abs, families always fight, but they forgive each other." He said as he headed for his desk.

Abby turned towards Ziva and Tony, then she smiled victoriously and nodded. She then headed for the elevator obviously satisfied with Gibbs' choice of words, calling them a family.

Daddy, Mommy and all the children might finally accept the obvious. They were a family.


End file.
